WITHIN THOSE WALLS by Success Enai Blessing

 WITHIN THOSE WALLS

by; Success Enai Blessing


It flashed again, this time she would not shake it off like she used to, She had suppressed it for a long time and it seemed like she was doing well at pretending it never happened...waking up naked...too weak to even bathe...the rude nurse giving injections...oh No!!!  it is coming back again...she may just lose this battle suppressing the images because it happened. As she sat and watched this movie .The Movie, that brought all the memories back strongly...running so fast she could not control. As she stared at the television....She saw it...Her life...Only it was someone else playing the character. Someone  will get paid. There would be a Cut!!! Action!!! and its a Wrap!!! and this actress would go on with her life like nothing happened. No sleepless night, no cries, no what ifs, because it did not really happen to the actress...it happened to her.  She could not express the emotion, she knew she was weak, too weak to push all the images back again, so she sat there unmoved and let the memories come, She remembered his voice on the phone...You must go and see him, He is your Uncle, Don't you remember him?...he came to see you as a child, bought you biscuits and played with you. But how can she remember him? she was young and she grew up with many uncles, many who bought her biscuits, many who played with her. Two others who touched her in a way her young mind could not understand then. That was another memory, but she has to deal with this first...This one hurts more, this one had more strength.

     She was in that big city for her exams. The exam that will determine if she got into the university or not. The exams were over and she was staying at Daddy's place. She was pleased with the exams. She had prepared herself months ago for this exams, ensuring that she left no stone unturned. She had to get it this time. Her current goal was to get into the university, study Law and graduate with a First Class. She smiled at the thought and realized she was in a bus, that big blue BRT bus. Daddy had dropped her at the park and given her money...N2500...Call us when you get there...Do you still have the address? Your phone charged? You still have his phone number, right? You call if you get confused and then he drove off with his car and she waited in the bus for more passengers so the journey can begin. She will show daddy how smart she is,  She does not know where this uncle stay, she had never gone anywhere in the town alone but she would not call till she gets to her destination after all only big girls go to the university as she is a big girl.

You are now a Big girl oo...Eh!!! Children of these days, they grow so fast. Welcome dear, how was your trip? hope you did not find it hard locating this place? She was there, She made it, She came by her self. This is a good Omen. Maybe it even meant she was matured enough to go to the university. The thought made her glad as she moved silently on her seat and drank the malt that uncle's boy had given her. Still seated on the sofa, She started to feel funny...What is this feeling, She thought. Are you OK? What's wrong with you? Maybe you should rest. The trip must have been stressful. The rest they say is History then also the beginning of unanswered questions, nightmares, pain, fear and all the other emotions she could not define.

Why did she wake up naked every time in uncle’s house? Why did those people keep given her injections every time ? Why was she so weak every time? So weak she could not remember having her bathe, Why did she sleep too much, Sleep so deep she did not ever hear food at uncle’s house. She woke up to find out she had eaten very little. Come on, turn, you stupid girl, a nurse was said to her with a look she did not understand or could not place as she tried to struggle, tired of the injections that constantly kept her weak and useless...Yes Useless because minutes turned into hours, then days and then a week and she could not understand what was happening to her but she knew she was tired, weak and doing nothing. Maybe that is how it is always going to be like...Maybe the injections will keep working, she could always be tired of the pain of not understanding what happened in uncle’s house, weak of the fears, Uncertainties, regrets and of  doing nothing because she did not know what else to do? it could have been nothing, but why has the nurse been so mean and she was supposed to be the Boss' niece, and then the  naked part, waking only to a little part of the bed sheet over her. How come uncle was never able to say what sickness it was that made her take so much injections and was weak until the injections stopped. Why did she feel so strong and better when she finally got back to daddy's house?

Finally, it haunted her for a long time...should she speak or keep quite? What if nothing happened? Who would believe Her? How will she start? I think something happened to me in uncle's house then what else would she say? Daddy will have uncle killed and then the whole world will be against her. Who would believe a small girl? The consequences could be grave and then it may have been nothing.

So gradually she told herself nothing happened, No injections, No weakness, No Tiredness, She did not even go to uncle's house. Then finally she believed it and sleep returned and the nightmares stopped. Everything was back to normal. Until this Movie. There alone, Back in her apartment, now a graduate, She cried, Wept, trembled and decided to accept the feelings and the images only that this time she would heal, this time she would be in control.

At this time, She does not know what to do about it, Speak up And start digging or let Karma be the judge, but one thing is certain, she is going to Heal, She is not going to let the past hold her back, She is going to deal with the hurt and not ignore it anymore. Right now, Her heart bleeds but when the healing is complete she can look it in the eye, stand up from the dust, step into the heels, look straight up and conquer whats next because she is TANASIA.